a year after all

i used to say i would be willing to do anything only if i ended up my thesis, but it turned out to be unlikeliness of life.

Working on thesis was much fun and i learnt a lot for myself and from many professores, if i could say so, and i've come to want to pass my limits again doing much better next time. i always adore people present an article in journals and imagine if i can write one as they do. one way or another i possibly do it soon but still need to build up self-confidence.

Since the thesis's been over, actually quite long before reaching the goal line, i've been hectic as a bee and stressed out enough teaching and preparing lots of things that never decreased but i was committed to do. one of my faith is 'don't lose the original purpose' and, for that reason, i sometimes think that labour for the living is worth or not. maybe it's because i haven't yet gone through and one more reason is the book i'm reading, written by natsume soseki.

what i think worthwhile is fruitful labour. if i worked in vain after all, i'd be very much discouraged than anyone around me could imagine. i just try to swallow it inside but what getting worse is as i don't express it, the more i'd be in blue. that's why i've been down lately and couldn't cheer me up even i'm away from teaching.

i feel like standing in a bypath being not able to make up my mind which why to go. i still stick with my aim but it hasn't been higher than it should be and i expected. it let me down again. we got to lose one if we want to get one. i surely know i got to cost something for another opportunity. however, i'm even confused what the two opportunities are. it's perhaps i've lost self-confidence or blocked my way.

i should get out of this depression anyhow after my trip to "lovely spot" to keep me warm and very relaxed. i'm already preoccupied about next semester though.