lots of things that i want to write
but it's late and already time to go to bed
just one thing before i go to bed-.
there're so many mistakes in my diary (>.<)
i'm very shamed...oh...
i look up the dictionary if i don't know the words that i want to express significantly.
i thought i didn't make any tiny mistakes but there're a lot.
haha.
it'll improve soon, someday
di ba ^^?
2007년 2월 24일 토요일
street children
As we get old, we can widen our mental vision while experiencing new world, meeting people from different background, changing ourselves and muddling through hardships. Human-being's not mature enough to understand situations that they don't undergo or face with. If my life's pretty fine and i don't worry about the necessities of life, we would care about poverty once in a while. (it would differ up to people, anyway.)
I'm Asian and care about Asian people obviously. Needless to say, i do care Korean but my mind tend to incline to Filipinos, expecially children. The Philippines used to live in plenty and send troops for Korean war. Thier economy got stagnant and nearly 10% of whole population go abroad to work mostly in the factories and agricultural parts. I used to teach those who want to work in Korea, so i could assume how their life go. Most of my former students were not severely poor. Some of them make a scanty living and couldn't come to the class because of the bus fare. (i was quite surprised by that.) The reason they "must" be an overseas worker (you know, filipino government respect overseas workers as natioanl heros.) is that they can't afford their family and education fees. Mother and father work in a foreign countries and, after all, granny takes care of little kids who can't meet their parents 1~3 years long. Although it sounds hard, it's too usual to feel pity.
However, it's lucky to have parents who hope working abroad, willingly sacrifice for their families. There're so many street children whose parents are rather useless and hopeless. You'll see dirty faced small kids anywhere in the philippines, especially Metro Manila. They normally don't put on shoes and slip on tattered clothes. It's hard to suppose how rarely they take a bath or brush their teeth. Their houses're probably shabby, crowded and inhygienic. They usually don't go to school but just beg money. Most of the times, begging is rejected and gets no reward comparing with their whole day effort. It can be a nothing to give them 1pesos which currency's really small. But, it doesn't mean either donation or charity. It'll spoil street childern more and more and the situation'll not be improved, if they're more used to begging daily.
I occasionally give them small coins and very cheap juices. I pat their head and wanted to cuddle them. I'm not a Mother Teresa something, but was a wealthy (<= i mean, into their eyes) foreigner. It's hard to thrust them away first time, but i was able to ignore them later. When i was waiting for my chicken's chopped, small ones came up to me and murmuring some tagalos or said "ma'am...". I sometimes replied "wala na pera(i don't have money)!" cold-heartedly. They never get frustrated or hurt, but try another people in the street. i can't imagine what they keen on, are excited about and dream of their future. Would they really dream?
I'm not pity on them. (actually i am-_-) There're actions taken for helping them, but the fundamental ground's not improved, as a result, those kids remain in the street. It's so dangerous at night, but they wandering on the road and knocking car windows for money. Can you imagine how they are pretty and have clear eyes? Rich countries exist, poor ones of course exist. What i feel pathetic is that children have to have their own place that they can dream, eat properly, keep clean, enjoy childhood, and smile withour money problems. I'm confused if it's a matter of parents or government or themselves.
I'm Asian and care about Asian people obviously. Needless to say, i do care Korean but my mind tend to incline to Filipinos, expecially children. The Philippines used to live in plenty and send troops for Korean war. Thier economy got stagnant and nearly 10% of whole population go abroad to work mostly in the factories and agricultural parts. I used to teach those who want to work in Korea, so i could assume how their life go. Most of my former students were not severely poor. Some of them make a scanty living and couldn't come to the class because of the bus fare. (i was quite surprised by that.) The reason they "must" be an overseas worker (you know, filipino government respect overseas workers as natioanl heros.) is that they can't afford their family and education fees. Mother and father work in a foreign countries and, after all, granny takes care of little kids who can't meet their parents 1~3 years long. Although it sounds hard, it's too usual to feel pity.
However, it's lucky to have parents who hope working abroad, willingly sacrifice for their families. There're so many street children whose parents are rather useless and hopeless. You'll see dirty faced small kids anywhere in the philippines, especially Metro Manila. They normally don't put on shoes and slip on tattered clothes. It's hard to suppose how rarely they take a bath or brush their teeth. Their houses're probably shabby, crowded and inhygienic. They usually don't go to school but just beg money. Most of the times, begging is rejected and gets no reward comparing with their whole day effort. It can be a nothing to give them 1pesos which currency's really small. But, it doesn't mean either donation or charity. It'll spoil street childern more and more and the situation'll not be improved, if they're more used to begging daily.
I occasionally give them small coins and very cheap juices. I pat their head and wanted to cuddle them. I'm not a Mother Teresa something, but was a wealthy (<= i mean, into their eyes) foreigner. It's hard to thrust them away first time, but i was able to ignore them later. When i was waiting for my chicken's chopped, small ones came up to me and murmuring some tagalos or said "ma'am...". I sometimes replied "wala na pera(i don't have money)!" cold-heartedly. They never get frustrated or hurt, but try another people in the street. i can't imagine what they keen on, are excited about and dream of their future. Would they really dream?
I'm not pity on them. (actually i am-_-) There're actions taken for helping them, but the fundamental ground's not improved, as a result, those kids remain in the street. It's so dangerous at night, but they wandering on the road and knocking car windows for money. Can you imagine how they are pretty and have clear eyes? Rich countries exist, poor ones of course exist. What i feel pathetic is that children have to have their own place that they can dream, eat properly, keep clean, enjoy childhood, and smile withour money problems. I'm confused if it's a matter of parents or government or themselves.
2007년 2월 19일 월요일
grandpa
I and my parents went to grandparents' to give a new year's greeting and have lunch out together. as usual, granny had to stay home, so we took only grandpa. Dad asked him if mandu would be ok and he said anything'd be fine. It was first time for me to go around Cheonggyesan. When we reached, it was already crowded there and most people were fully equipped for mountain-climbing. Every party seemed so happy at the end of holidays. laughing, smoking, talking, having snacks while moving. We went into the restaurant and took a seat.
The restaurant was hectic, so we waited quite long for ordering and being served. Three middle-aged men, who looked very colse each other, grambled out for late service and staff only said "sorry". It was a resonable complaning, some couldn't wait for more and left, and my family and the others still waited wishing they'd serve our table first. That restaurant was a pretty famous franchise one and menu wasn't so outstanding rather expected.
It's been decades since we had a meal out with grandpa. He was quiet, but just smiled silently and answered sheepishly only when we asked something. Although i knew he's a fast eater, i felt it was even faster this time than his normal speed, and i couldn't catch up him. (anyway, im traditionally the slowest in any cases.) He seemed to enjoy lots. After lunch, we walked for a while passing by ugly eateries (what i mean ugly is, so many restaurants are built nearby almost every mountain, and it's really awqward to face that kind of scenery there.) and happily exciting faced group of people. My grandpa even walked faster and vigorously than me, so it surprised me.
He still goes shopping by himself and regularly takes a walk around the town and have no difficultied riding transportation. He always serves dinner and medicine to my grandma. I can say he's still in the pink. Why i'm wrhing about him is that i smelled him today. I can smell him whenever i go to see him. Of course there's nice smell and odor as well, but most of all, he's got "aged smell" which is very special. When i was in the car backseat with him, i suddenly thought 'i would have those kind of smell when i get old.' and felt calm. Every new year's day, we jokingly say that we got 1 year older again and feel pity on ourselves. I also sometimes felt that time flies so fast and my age's going with the accelerator, but i was soooo indifferent about his age.
I don't know his younger days, his real personality, his achievement and what kind of father he used to be, etc. etc. He was always my grandfather who never vanishes or tell me off. He could buy us small toys and snacks that we could get from mom after all of clamors. That's what family's like, i know. His existence came to me so big and touchingly.
His tv remote-control key which is covered with his greasy fingerprints and his sunken sofa.
His simple way of life. His quiet days. His unaudible love.
The restaurant was hectic, so we waited quite long for ordering and being served. Three middle-aged men, who looked very colse each other, grambled out for late service and staff only said "sorry". It was a resonable complaning, some couldn't wait for more and left, and my family and the others still waited wishing they'd serve our table first. That restaurant was a pretty famous franchise one and menu wasn't so outstanding rather expected.
It's been decades since we had a meal out with grandpa. He was quiet, but just smiled silently and answered sheepishly only when we asked something. Although i knew he's a fast eater, i felt it was even faster this time than his normal speed, and i couldn't catch up him. (anyway, im traditionally the slowest in any cases.) He seemed to enjoy lots. After lunch, we walked for a while passing by ugly eateries (what i mean ugly is, so many restaurants are built nearby almost every mountain, and it's really awqward to face that kind of scenery there.) and happily exciting faced group of people. My grandpa even walked faster and vigorously than me, so it surprised me.
He still goes shopping by himself and regularly takes a walk around the town and have no difficultied riding transportation. He always serves dinner and medicine to my grandma. I can say he's still in the pink. Why i'm wrhing about him is that i smelled him today. I can smell him whenever i go to see him. Of course there's nice smell and odor as well, but most of all, he's got "aged smell" which is very special. When i was in the car backseat with him, i suddenly thought 'i would have those kind of smell when i get old.' and felt calm. Every new year's day, we jokingly say that we got 1 year older again and feel pity on ourselves. I also sometimes felt that time flies so fast and my age's going with the accelerator, but i was soooo indifferent about his age.
I don't know his younger days, his real personality, his achievement and what kind of father he used to be, etc. etc. He was always my grandfather who never vanishes or tell me off. He could buy us small toys and snacks that we could get from mom after all of clamors. That's what family's like, i know. His existence came to me so big and touchingly.
His tv remote-control key which is covered with his greasy fingerprints and his sunken sofa.
His simple way of life. His quiet days. His unaudible love.
2007년 2월 16일 금요일
seoul
it's so natural to adore for the scenery in foreign countries, even though it somehow has similarities. Skyscrapers, streetlights, shops with warm orange colour lights and darkened sky. i suddenly felt my city, Seoul, is quite pretty place while riding on the bus. There was a chill in the air and people were walking straighten themselves. i could see a crowd of audiences inside Sejong art centre, probably they were waiting for the musical "Romeo and Juliet". It looked rather silent and idle on the street. People were queueing in good order and middle-aged man spit on the ground after inhaling the cigarette.
More and more foreigners visit Seoul every year. Slogan of Seoul is "Soul of Asia" as i've seen somewhere in the central places. It doesn't sound that matching word as far as i concerned. I can't define what Asia actually symbolises. It really depends on the nationality. what does "Oriental" mean to you? something like Asian, yellowish people or some exotic cultures that you want to explore as an outsider? I belong to Asia and am proud of being Asian, Korean(not always though). i sometimes wonder how much Seoul attracts foreign people and if there're huge uniqueness different from other Asian cities.
When i was in Manila, i was so comfortable staying there, inspite of air pollution, begging kids, robbery, dirty environment. It can be wierd but i was able to enjoy anything, and i believe that it's due to "manila people". Their smiling faces and friendly saying "Hi~ma'am" made me feel so comfortable. It must be because i was a brighter-skinned foreigner. i don't feel superior to filipinos, i just mean that they definitely know how to deal with foreigners.
Seoul is very clean(not everywhere, of course), well-organised, systematic city. This city cares foreigners a lot and travellers probably know this. As a Seoulian, i still don't get how come Seoul can be "the soul of Asia" and what Seoul people are like.
More and more foreigners visit Seoul every year. Slogan of Seoul is "Soul of Asia" as i've seen somewhere in the central places. It doesn't sound that matching word as far as i concerned. I can't define what Asia actually symbolises. It really depends on the nationality. what does "Oriental" mean to you? something like Asian, yellowish people or some exotic cultures that you want to explore as an outsider? I belong to Asia and am proud of being Asian, Korean(not always though). i sometimes wonder how much Seoul attracts foreign people and if there're huge uniqueness different from other Asian cities.
When i was in Manila, i was so comfortable staying there, inspite of air pollution, begging kids, robbery, dirty environment. It can be wierd but i was able to enjoy anything, and i believe that it's due to "manila people". Their smiling faces and friendly saying "Hi~ma'am" made me feel so comfortable. It must be because i was a brighter-skinned foreigner. i don't feel superior to filipinos, i just mean that they definitely know how to deal with foreigners.
Seoul is very clean(not everywhere, of course), well-organised, systematic city. This city cares foreigners a lot and travellers probably know this. As a Seoulian, i still don't get how come Seoul can be "the soul of Asia" and what Seoul people are like.
2007년 2월 13일 화요일
re-starting?
we finished our meeting when the time was about to be 9, but ho-young didn't feel like going home right away. she asked us if we wanted to go home and we weren't inclined, either. so, we decided to grab coffee and sandwich somewhere hye-jin regularly goesnearby Hong-ik univ. we waked a bit and found it wasn't that crowded comparing hte other days, simply because it was a tiring start of the week, Monday. flash students were hanging around the streets that was filled with noisy conversation. we went to the shop named "Ether in the coffee cup". i don't know where the idea's from. that place was pretty cool and cute amateurish paintings were everywhere. there were 3guys, who seemed like rather boys by visage, who may have painted those cute paintings. interior looked like they haven't finished, so it was kind of rough but it rather gives cozy and comfortable mood.
we ordered americanos and sandwich. coffee was very dark and strong. we kept on talking about lots of things randomly, but first mostly about our main concern, career. the tuition fee's got increased again as usual (unsurprisingly) and it's not affordable for us at all. ho-young applied for a student loan and ought to get out of debt when she's able to do. i once thought students'd better only study without worrying money or the vague careers after the graduation, but it wasn't easy, so i still stick with my part-time work. (i wouldn't make such a big effort anyway)
and our topic was moved on to the relationship and previous love experience. ho-young's story about her french neighbor was really interesting. as we listened to her story, there were many chances to develop the relationship but it always failed because of the cultural differences. he's probably fond of her, but she thinks he's so immature, thoughtless and imprudent. he asked her to come by his house (she lives on the 1st floor and his house in on the 14th F.) several times to watch a video, go out to for walking and learning some Korean. she thought it meant simply "hey, come to my house for a while and we'll spend some time on Healthy purpose~", but anyone can guess he's the man, so undoubtedly, what would he attempt? hye-jin said ho-young was pretty naive and he must've been disappointed, haha.
the other story about hye-jin's friend who's skilled in courting guys and finally met someone and going to get married soon. some people are so irresistably and miraculously attractive that always surrouded by many followers. the reasons can be various but i was never in green with envy of them. it doesn't mean im very careless and snob, but there's nothing to do with me. it was good to lend our ears to hye-jin's story, since we could be taken back to the memory of those days when we were really into passionate love and went through haertbreaking moments, learned lots of life lessons after all. we are almost enclosed by girls who are cheerful enough without boys and hardly get any chances to expose ourselves deliberately to male creatures. it doesn't sound pathetic but can be sad that we're getting losing our memories of pouding heart.
we're not at the age of urgent marriage yet. it occurs us to focus more on ourselves which is good. never close mind to anyone, so the opprtunity's all around. all we need is to be prepared for the moment we can fall for again.
we ordered americanos and sandwich. coffee was very dark and strong. we kept on talking about lots of things randomly, but first mostly about our main concern, career. the tuition fee's got increased again as usual (unsurprisingly) and it's not affordable for us at all. ho-young applied for a student loan and ought to get out of debt when she's able to do. i once thought students'd better only study without worrying money or the vague careers after the graduation, but it wasn't easy, so i still stick with my part-time work. (i wouldn't make such a big effort anyway)
and our topic was moved on to the relationship and previous love experience. ho-young's story about her french neighbor was really interesting. as we listened to her story, there were many chances to develop the relationship but it always failed because of the cultural differences. he's probably fond of her, but she thinks he's so immature, thoughtless and imprudent. he asked her to come by his house (she lives on the 1st floor and his house in on the 14th F.) several times to watch a video, go out to for walking and learning some Korean. she thought it meant simply "hey, come to my house for a while and we'll spend some time on Healthy purpose~", but anyone can guess he's the man, so undoubtedly, what would he attempt? hye-jin said ho-young was pretty naive and he must've been disappointed, haha.
the other story about hye-jin's friend who's skilled in courting guys and finally met someone and going to get married soon. some people are so irresistably and miraculously attractive that always surrouded by many followers. the reasons can be various but i was never in green with envy of them. it doesn't mean im very careless and snob, but there's nothing to do with me. it was good to lend our ears to hye-jin's story, since we could be taken back to the memory of those days when we were really into passionate love and went through haertbreaking moments, learned lots of life lessons after all. we are almost enclosed by girls who are cheerful enough without boys and hardly get any chances to expose ourselves deliberately to male creatures. it doesn't sound pathetic but can be sad that we're getting losing our memories of pouding heart.
we're not at the age of urgent marriage yet. it occurs us to focus more on ourselves which is good. never close mind to anyone, so the opprtunity's all around. all we need is to be prepared for the moment we can fall for again.
2007년 2월 11일 일요일
self-support
I considered living on my own when i was about to graduate the university. There weren't bad reasons at all auch as domestic probles, long distance commute or urgent study needs. I just wanted to be independent from my parents, and also felt that I ought to.
However, I wasn't ready for the huge expenses that i would have to pay, if i owned my place. Since I was still a student, i was almost penniless and used to get pocketmoney from my dad regularly.Besides, although i could support myself financially, my parents'd never let me live by myself.
Once, one of my students, from the States, asked me if i live with my famils and i said yes. He told me that i'm the lucky one, for he had very hard times to afford his housing fee and student loans since he was "18" years old. Koreans also do part-time jobs to earn a little money and some of us work hard for a living while in school. It sounded pretty different though, because most western people were, who i talked to and heard from, nearly forced to be responsible and independent for their life around at the age of "18".
18. We're still in the highschool or preparing for the entrance exam to the university. That means we still need our parents strongly with us and behind us, as if they're a solid raker that never collapse.
It's a matter of different point of view and money really matters anyhow.
And now, I'm re-considering having my own place. I can afford only my expenses and have learned how to deal with lots of things without my parents. I'm already 26 and it's time to learn more things outside such a safe system of my family and be independent indeed. I sometimes find myselt relying on my mom due to her sacrifice and house works that belongs her, after all i'm possibly being lazy. When it comes to my father, the situation's very akin to the above, like i depend on him because he'll give me some extra allowance any time i ask him. It's so natural and obvious that parents generally do that for their children, but i feel like i should get away from that soon. I calculate how much i would need and spend on food, bills, housing and other stuffs. It's gonna be super super, i can tell.
However, apart from tha money problems, lots of things'll be advanturous and exciting- I'll probably be more self-determined, well-organised, industrious and wiser, hopefully. I used to stay away from my parents for 1 year in Manila and it was a very good chance for me to figure out how much i could cope with myself. I could plan time appropriately and feel freedom which sometimes led a fast life.
I reckon it's enough staying in a shell of total forgiveness and safe routines which protect me from anything, anyone, anytime. I'm so grateful i got such good mom, dad and bro. I don't mean they're unnecessary from now on or disrurbing, but i think i'd better manage my own life before i get married.
It would be hard to pursuade my parents, especially my father. I'll just see when it'll work and i'm really ready for building a nest.
However, I wasn't ready for the huge expenses that i would have to pay, if i owned my place. Since I was still a student, i was almost penniless and used to get pocketmoney from my dad regularly.Besides, although i could support myself financially, my parents'd never let me live by myself.
Once, one of my students, from the States, asked me if i live with my famils and i said yes. He told me that i'm the lucky one, for he had very hard times to afford his housing fee and student loans since he was "18" years old. Koreans also do part-time jobs to earn a little money and some of us work hard for a living while in school. It sounded pretty different though, because most western people were, who i talked to and heard from, nearly forced to be responsible and independent for their life around at the age of "18".
18. We're still in the highschool or preparing for the entrance exam to the university. That means we still need our parents strongly with us and behind us, as if they're a solid raker that never collapse.
It's a matter of different point of view and money really matters anyhow.
And now, I'm re-considering having my own place. I can afford only my expenses and have learned how to deal with lots of things without my parents. I'm already 26 and it's time to learn more things outside such a safe system of my family and be independent indeed. I sometimes find myselt relying on my mom due to her sacrifice and house works that belongs her, after all i'm possibly being lazy. When it comes to my father, the situation's very akin to the above, like i depend on him because he'll give me some extra allowance any time i ask him. It's so natural and obvious that parents generally do that for their children, but i feel like i should get away from that soon. I calculate how much i would need and spend on food, bills, housing and other stuffs. It's gonna be super super, i can tell.
However, apart from tha money problems, lots of things'll be advanturous and exciting- I'll probably be more self-determined, well-organised, industrious and wiser, hopefully. I used to stay away from my parents for 1 year in Manila and it was a very good chance for me to figure out how much i could cope with myself. I could plan time appropriately and feel freedom which sometimes led a fast life.
I reckon it's enough staying in a shell of total forgiveness and safe routines which protect me from anything, anyone, anytime. I'm so grateful i got such good mom, dad and bro. I don't mean they're unnecessary from now on or disrurbing, but i think i'd better manage my own life before i get married.
It would be hard to pursuade my parents, especially my father. I'll just see when it'll work and i'm really ready for building a nest.
2007년 2월 9일 금요일
just inspired...
i turn the music on and cover my ears from the crowded and noisy street. my face's still expressionless and i've got no one to talk friendly. i know it's wierd but i'm sometimes concerned how i'd look to other people who are actually anonymous to me.
i always think it's very essential to record every single thoughts of mine, only if it's not totally worthless, so i tend to conceive as if i'm jotting down what i'm thinking at the moment. it's hard to remember all of them and, sometimes, it's turned out to be unnecessary wasteful thoughts.
nevertheless, i want to write down what happened, what i thought and felt, what i talked to people. i'm just inspired by someone who do care his daily life so much and has a very special insight into the tiny things that people'd hardly ever consider.
i'll just try. although i've got my own website, i'll try to leave traces here for it's a promise between me and myself.
new start.
new place.
new me.
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